6 Honest Questions You Need To Ask Your Fiance Before Planning Your Wedding
July 14, 2018in
So your wonderful and loving fiance pops the question (or maybe you asked them) and now your head is spinning with love and excitement and wedding things. Once you have a ring on your finger it seems like the first things people ask you is if you’ve set the date and what kind of wedding you want to have. You might feel pressure to start answering some of these questions, but just put them off for now because you and your fiance have a few things to figure out together first.
You might be a super traditional bride who wants the white dress, the do not see the bride before she walks down the aisle and the whole something borrowed something blue thing. Or maybe you don’t really care about tradition and find it to be pointless and annoying. You should really think about what, if any, traditions are important to you and also ask your future hubby. He might surprise you and be a super traditionalist! Figuring out where you both stand is important.
Make sure that you’re completely honest with yourself and your groom-to-be. He might think that the bouquet toss is completely pointless and unnecessary but if you get excited picturing yourself tossing flowers into a crowd of your single gal pals, then it’s important to be honest with yourself and him about it. He isn’t a mind reader.
This is a big one. It’s going to decide basically everything for your wedding from the type of wedding you can have and how much you’ll have to scrimp or how much you can splurge on the things that are important to you. Be honest with yourselves about what you are actually willing to afford. Going into debt for a wedding might seem like the norm but do you really want to start off your lives together with debt hanging over your heads?
If you have a budget in mind, and know how much you can normally save in a month, then you can work from there to figure out a date.
Before setting the budget, do some research together to get an idea of what things cost. Keep in mind that there are a lot of areas that you can save money in, especially if you happen to be handy and don’t mind some DIY work, but it’s a great start to know what to expect when setting a budget.
If you think that your parents or his parents might be contributing a bit to the wedding, then that is great, but don’t count that in right now. This budget should be fully based of what the two of you can actually afford. That way anything from your parents will just be bonus amounts and you can put the money you would have saved for the wedding just in to your regular savings.
A friend of mine got married this year and for him, the most important part of the whole wedding was the food. For some people, it might be the music. For others, it’s having a beautiful dress. Maybe it’s having a unique venue! Or a big church wedding. Or having a big wedding party to include all of your best friends. Maybe the most important aspect is a ceremony that is full of sentimental aspects. Or, maybe it’s having a big party for a reception. Whatever they are, write them down.
Defining what is most important to you and what is most important to your fiance is going to help figure out what areas you want to invest the money in and what areas you’re willing to compromise in. It’s also a good idea to write down what are the least important things to you. Maybe you could care less about having a big wedding cake. That will open up a lot of different and more affordable dessert options when it comes to the budget.
Once you have the most important aspects for him and for you written down, keep it somewhere safe. It’s a great thing to have and to refer back to when you’ve been on Pinterest for 2 hours straight and now want to do a million things that are outside of your budget. For my fiance and I, having a family focused wedding was the most important thing for both of us, so we planned a wonderfully intimate ceremony for just family. But as I would scroll through Pinterest and see these amazing ideas that are more suited for a bigger and more expensive wedding, I’d have to stop myself and remember what is actually important to me on this big day, knowing that I did not want debt at the end of this.
As the number of guests invited increases so does the cost for your wedding. It can start to be hard to draw the line of who makes the cut and who doesn’t. You probably have those friend groups where it’s like “well if I invite Bobby and Shirley, then it means I also have to invite Ann and Karlie”. I have always found this the most stressful part of wedding planning.
So this is where you and your fiance need to sit down and write out a list of all of the people who absolutely, positively need to be there. These are the people that if they were not at your wedding you would notice and you would be sad that they were missing it. Maybe that list consists of just your family. Maybe it consists of your parents, your siblings, and a best friends.
Now, understand what I’m saying when I say that you NEED these people to celebrate the big day with you. The list is probably going to be smaller than you’re thinking. I have a few friends who I absolutely love and adore. They’re there for me when I need them and I’m there for them when they need me, and they will be in my life for so many years to come, but if they were not able to make my wedding, it wouldn’t put a damper on the day. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t invite them, but they just are not one of the people I NEED to have with me.
If it’s hard to try and figure out that line, just think that if you were to elope tomorrow on a romantic whim, who would you call and beg to go to be your witnesses?
Once you have that key group, you can start to make decisions together about numbers. If Lily is in your NEED to have and you know that if you invite Lily then you’ll probably also want to invite Jacob and Kelsey, then it can help shape the guest list for you.
Remember that you are not obligated to invite anyone.
If your fiance is thinking of a nerdy wedding where your guests hold up lightsabers to send you guys off, rather than blowing bubbles at you, but you’re thinking that you want a very elegant wedding with champagne and truffles and a live harpist playing during your reception, then those are two very different weddings.
Start with vibes. Do you want a party vibe? Elegant? Casual? Formal? My fiance and I chose a casual, family vibe. We want our wedding to be comfortable for people and have encouraged our guests to wear sneakers and whatever is going to make them feel comfortable. It’s not going to be a fancy wedding by any stretch of the imagination.
Once you two can agree on a vibe, try some themes. No, you do not have to have a themed wedding, but you can also think of theme as style. Go you want glitz and glam? Do you want rustic chic? The idea here is to agree on some basics so that while the two of you are keeping your eyes out for decor, you’re not accomplishing two very separate goals.
This is a biggie. It should probably be something that you talk about before the proposal, but in case you didn’t and the proposal was a complete and total surprise, talk about it now. Why do you want to get married? Is it part of your religious beliefs? Do you just want something that makes it “official”? Do you just want to have a wedding? Is it to make your family happy?
If I’ve told you to be honest through the other questions, in this question be BRUTALLY honest. Maybe you’ve been in a committed relationship and have been living together for years and years and now that all of your friends are getting married you want your turn in the spotlight.
There is no wrong answer here (except maybe you make someone else happy or if you don’t really want to but feel like you have to). As long as you’re both on the same page and feel good about your reasons, then you’re golden. You just want to be sure that you’re both on the same page for why you’re getting married.
Okay, now that you guys have put everything out in the open and are on the same page for all of these questions, the fun begins! Enjoy this time of planning, dreaming, and putting together the day that marks the start of your lives together as a married couple.