A Healthier You Means More Sex

July 14, 2018


Love and Sex

Sex is very important to me. Not just because I have a high sex drive, but because it’s such a great way to come together with your partner and connect and meet each other’s needs. Sex is loving and tender and passionate and fun. In an ideal world I would have sex every morning and every night. Because there is no better way to start your day and no better way to end your day than to emotionally, spiritually, and physically connect with your partner. (Plus, let’s be honest, it feels great and who doesn’t want an orgasm before bed?) But no matter how much I want to have sex this often, my sex drive is always in a flux and flow, so this doesn’t happen.

There are a lot of things that can affect your sex drive that have nothing to do with your relationship: stress, self-esteem, a busy schedule, laziness, depression, poor sleep. So many of the things that can affect your sex drive are actually a result of not taking care of your own mental or physical health. See, everything in our bodies is connected. If we’re living in stress, feeling bad about ourselves because we haven’t been taking care of our bodies, if we’re not sleeping right, those are all things that affect your health as well as your sex drive.

Mental health is hugly tied to your sex drive. If you’re not healthy in your mind, you’re not going to be in the mood for some old fashioned healthy coitus. I’m not saying that you should just like turn around and stop being depressed so that you can have sex, but rather take the lack of sex as a sign that maybe you need to take a mental health day and deal with what’s going on in your life.

If I realize that my partner and I have not had sex in 4 days or more, for me that is a red flag for me to do a health check

(Four days might be my benchmark because of the aforementioned high sex drive, but it doesn’t mean that it has to be yours. You’ll know what is normal for you when you’re healthy and happy). Usually for me the first thing that I look at is stress. I stress easily and if I’m not keeping my stress levels in check and doing things to de-stress or cut stress out of my life, then it can sneakily take over and start affecting everything from the way I digest food to my sex drive.

If I’m not too stressed, then the next usual suspect is my self-esteem. If I’ve been eating too much junk for my body and not exercising regularly, then I usually am not feeling too good about how I look and feel. While I like to think that I’m a body positive person, there is a difference between loving your body no matter the shape or size, and feeling bad about your body because you know you have not been treating it well.

I am 15 pounds heavier now than when I met my fiance, but at this weight I can either feel really good about my body because I’ve been exercising and eating well and keeping the junk to special indulgences, rather than an every day, every meal thing. Or, I can feel really bad, at the exact same weight, because I’ve been sitting at home watching Netflix day in and day out, barely moving off the couch, and have been drinking wine and take out and have not touched a fruit or vegetable the whole day.

So you might be saying, “Okay, but sometimes it’s not about your health, life just gets busy.” And that is true. Sometimes life just gets busy. But how often is life getting too busy for you? But life is always about balance. Sex is enjoyable. It’s fun. It feels fantastic. It connects you and your partner. Finding time for sex in a busy life should be a priority. If you life is too busy to have moments that you enjoy, then you need to think about re-balancing your life.

The interesting thing about it is that these (mental health, physical health, and an overloaded busy schedule) are all things that you would want to take care of in general, not just because it’s affecting your sex life, but because you want to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilled life. Your sex drive is just a nice big red flag that is saying, “Something is off here; please fix it.”

So pay attention to the flux and the flow of your sex drive. If you’ve notice that you haven’t gotten some in a while, ask yourself what is going on and try to dig in.