What To Do About Post-Wedding Blues
August 13, 2018in
Love and Sex
It's exactly one week and two days since I got married, and honestly, I've got the post-wedding blues. Now, let me set the stage for you. I have never been of the belief that your wedding day should be the best day of your life. Because once it's over...what? That's it? It's all downhill from there? You just promised forever to your one and only true love and suddenly it can't get any better than that one day? I don't subscribe to those notions.
I like to think that the wedding day is just the end of the beginning chapter to the adventure of your lives together and that the best is yet to come. I mean, no one reads a book and thinks "wow, that first chapter was amazing, but the rest was just meh." The story, the part that hooks you and steals your heart and draws you in is the rest of the book. It's the chapters that have struggles and triumphs and joy and fear and...life. Living.
My wedding was a modest one. It was immediate family only and the entire focus was on celebrating the love that my husband (oh, wow, I can't believe how much I love saying that) and I are choosing to have with each other for the rest of our lives and on family. We made sure that the focus on our wedding was not on the production of it, but on the meaning of it. Heck, we got married three months after we got engaged so it's not even like I've been living for this day for over a year. In fact, I kind of ignored planning it for the first month and a bit because life was so hectic at the time that I didn't have the focus for it.
So, with all of that said, why do I have the post-wedding blues? Because I don't want another wedding day. Mine was perfect, and I loved it, and I will remember it fondly, but despite being so small it was still a lot of work and one is enough, thank you very much. And I don't want more eyes on me. I'm a wallflower and prefer to be on the sidelines watching, than to be the one being watched (which was also part of the reason why an immediate family only wedding was such an awesome choice for me).
But today when I typed the words "I miss you too" to my husband, I realized exactly what was causing this melancholy: my bubble is gone. Since the day before the wedding, to the honeymoon week after, Jesse and I have been in this bubble. It's a bubble that was focused on our lives together, on our love, on our happily ever after. Anytime we went somewhere and someone asked us about our day, I got to gush that we were on our honeymoon. We spend a total of 10 days being together the entire time.
We did errands together. We budgeted together. We set goals for our first year as a married couple together. (I know that some of you may be thinking that those sound like boring things to do on your honeymoon, but we love being productive together and we love budgeting. Yes, we're nerds. But honestly, it's addictive once you start). We had all of our meals together.
We spent days planning for our future goals of running businesses in our home together and soft-retiring at like 45 where we can just work remotely as we travel and enjoy life at a pace that we get to set, instead of the 9-5. And, dammit, I miss it.
The bubble is gone, and I miss the bubble, but it does mean a few good things. First of all, it's nice to know that we genuinely like being around each other enough that 10 days of being with each other all day leaves us both missing each other. For some couples, it would leave them craving space. Second of all, it's nice to know that I'm not just a shallow person who was in to the idea of marriage for the wedding day.
But the question remains, what are you supposed to do to combat these feelings of being blue?
This is the last thing in the world that I actually want to do because he's my new husband and I miss him, but we have always been of the mindset that it's healthy to love being together, but also being able to enjoy our individuality. We are not two halves making a whole. We are two whole people coming together, but remaining whole ourselves. I'm actually a pretty independent person. I always have been. My instinct is always to do things on my own. So this week, to remind myself of that, we're going to spend some intentional time apart. He is going biking with some buddies. I have yet to decide between taking a long walk with some music, or soaking in a tub until I shrivel up while reading. Maybe I'll do both!
Weddings are damn expensive so the likelihood of you having extra cash to burn on a romantic night out or a romantic meal is probably slim to none. I know it is for us, anyway. But despite what commercialism would have you believe, romance is not expensive. Cook a meal together. Take a bubble bath in candle light. Give each other a sensual massage. Put back on the lingerie you wore on your wedding night.
I have a bunch of candles left from the wedding, so my plan is to fill our room with candles at the end of this work week, put on something sexy, fill the room with sensual music, and let him come home to find me.
Planning something will give you that connection time to look forward to and get excited for.
All I want to do is look at our wedding photos (yes, we have them already because our photographer was the greatest photographer ever. Seriously. I love her), tell everyone I know about how amazing of a day it was and how incredible the honeymoon was. I've been married once before and so the difference of that wedding and honeymoon to this one is mind-blowing to me. I can't believe that I ever got married when I see the differences now. And I want to talk to everyone about it.
But re-living that bubbled time is not going to help the post-wedding blues. Limit yourself. I've decided for me that I would share one post with pics on social media this week, and then plan a "photos day" with my family in a few weeks. This gives everyone time and then we can all re-live the memory together and laugh at the cute faces my niece and nephews make in them. After that, I won't bring up the wedding or the honeymoon with anyone. If someone directly asks me, I'll talk about it, but I can't try to bring the conversation around to it.
This is going to give me time to get back into the swing of things and back into every day life, which is the part that I'm excited for with my husband anyway. That's the part where the real story comes from.
Weddings are wonderful, but they're also exhausting! There is planning, errands, emails, phone calls, decision making, and decorating. Our lives are busy enough as is, when you add wedding planning on top of it all, it means that some things have to go. For me, it was some of the summer things that I love doing like going to fests on weekends (Rib-fest, anyone?), or taking evening bike rides along the river, or spending a Saturday fishing with a picnic lunch. I'm planning on going to Taco Fest in the next couple of weeks and hitting up a farmer's market or two to get picnic food for an afternoon bike ride and park day.
Love is in the every-day things. Love is thinking to pick up his favorite snack food when you're grocery shopping. Love is in remembering to compliment something that you love about him through out the day. Love is in the moment you're throwing in a load of laundry and think to look for his favorite t-shirt to clean as well because you remember he wore it Tuesday. Love is in the hand massage while you watch Netflix together. It's in the small, ordinary details that happen day to day.
As you head back into the grind and miss that wedding and honeymoon bubble, remember to look for these small moments of love that he shows you, and look for ways to show these small moments of love for him. You'll feel just as full of love and joy as the day you said, "I do."
Because the wedding day is not the best day of your life. Because the best day of your life is still out there and your story is still being written. So say good-bye to the post-wedding blues and enjoy your love story together.